The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
