Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
