Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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