i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
