Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
