He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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