2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
