like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
