Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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