Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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