All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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