My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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