need another drink. this is the easiest way
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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