And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
