Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
