A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
