ugly people sure do ruin things
how do flat chested girls get laid?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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