Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
