I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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