at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
