Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
