theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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