We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
