and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
