"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
