How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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