come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
