She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
