At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
