Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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