I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
