I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
