there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize