When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
