he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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