So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
