the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
