I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Pooping to opera.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
