this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
