I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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