accomplished twins. life is a go
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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