That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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