It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize