dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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