dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
