Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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