I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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