i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
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"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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