the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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