No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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