do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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