I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
