Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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