i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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