So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
