Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
