What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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