Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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