i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
