im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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