I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize