Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Couch. On fire.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
