I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize